I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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