im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
