you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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