i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize