eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
