He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
