i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
