I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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