At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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