Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
