dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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