People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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