proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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