smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
