I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
