the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize