wat bout pragnant strippers??
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
