There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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