So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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