I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
