Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
