Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
