The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
