Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
