He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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