Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
