it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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