Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
