So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is wine microwaveable?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
