I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
