I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
