There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
