I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
