So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
