Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
