Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
