This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
