its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
