she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
