Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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