this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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