Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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