Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize