Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
