i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
