am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
