so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
