I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
