I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
