she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
