we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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