stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i think i have herpe
just one?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
