I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
