i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
