remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
