She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
