I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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