So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
that's an acceptable place to lick
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize