Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
