How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
