New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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