I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
