Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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