My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
