I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
