i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
