I accidentally had phone sex last night
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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