When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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