As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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