yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
