Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
