Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
