So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
