i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
