You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
