omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
