I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
